Haims: making contact with aging parents

For those of us who are adult children of parents aged 70 or older, being concerned about our health and well-being can be a difficult subject to discuss.

Don’t get me wrong, just because your parents are getting older doesn’t mean they need help. Additionally, this does not mean that they cannot take care of themselves and live independently. However, regardless of current health, everyone gets older, and at some point we may all need a little help and care.

Adult children whose parents are aging don’t always look for the changes happening to their parents and often overlook them because they are painful to see. Often, it is spouses who initiate this conversation and point out something unusual that may be concerning.

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If you’re going to see your aging parents for the holidays, in addition to celebrating, take a moment to make sure your older loved ones are still able to manage their daily lives on their own. Often, older adults need help to stay safe and healthy, but don’t like to admit it.

Here is a simple checklist that can help you determine if a loved one needs help staying home:

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Check their appearance

• Are they wearing appropriate clothing?
• Is there an inappropriate body odor that could indicate difficulty bathing, washing your hair, or brushing your teeth?
• Have they made drastic changes to their appearance: wearing more or less makeup, not wearing dentures, etc.?

Appearance may be a clue that activities of daily living may become more difficult. It is also a potential indicator of vision deterioration and possibly changes in mental acuity.

Take a look at the house

• Is the refrigerator sufficiently stocked with nutritious foods?
• Is the house at its usual level of cleanliness or is there a change?
• Are the dishes and laundry done on time?
• Is there expired food in the pantry and/or refrigerator?
• Ask about meals: are they eating enough? And water consumption?
• Are medications organized? Are there expired medicines or bottles everywhere in the house?

A change in housekeeping and food choices may indicate difficulty managing shopping, cleaning, or cooking.

Talk about their daily routine

• Ask about activities and friends: are they still participating in things they enjoy?
• Do they wake up with a purpose every day?
• Ask if you can participate in medical discussions with their providers. Our aging parents often don’t ask many questions. An extra pair of ears doesn’t have to be an intrusion; rather, it can provide support.
• Check the bills: are they paying their bills on time or is the mail being ignored?

Dropping activities, missing appointments and ignoring the mail are all signs that an older person may need help. These are also signs of possible depression, a problem that is affecting older Americans at an alarming rate. If you notice a change in your interests or participation in activities, you may want to speak with them about their current situation and your concerns about their well-being.

Staying at home is usually the goal for most aging parents. But the reality may be that taking care of a home and managing the activities of daily living can become increasingly difficult. Many of our aging parents may be afraid to admit this reality because they fear losing their independence or admitting that they need help. A vacation visit represents an ideal opportunity for adult children to communicate with older family members about their health and living situation.

Don’t turn a blind eye to a family member or friend who shows signs of needing help. A simple fall can open Pandora’s box.

Judson Haims is the owner of Visiting Angels Home Care in Eagle County. He defends the interests of our seniors and is available to answer our questions. Connect with him at [email protected].