Dear Annie: I shouldn’t have to justify my health problems

Dear Annie: I’ve struggled with several chronic health issues for over a decade, often leaving me feeling tired, in pain, or with memory issues. However, because of my age (early 20s), I am often made fun of or rejected if I talk about it.

Fortunately, it didn’t come from my family, friends or close colleagues. They are all compassionate people who know about my health issues, at least to some extent, and they understand that if I say I had a rough day, it’s not me who’s complaining. I’m just honest and often manage expectations about what I might do that day. And it’s not like I’m proclaiming to the world, “I am the most fatigue! No one has ever felt pain like me! » It’s the interactions with people I don’t know well, or often complete strangers who overhear and chime in: “Oh, you’re absolutely too young for x/y/z!” Just wait until you…”

This annoys me to the point of being livid. I blamed people for not asking their opinions and not participating in conversations they weren’t invited to. I explained in detail what I was dealing with until they were ashamed and muttering sheepish excuses. I’ve talked to people who think that whatever I’m dealing with is still “not enough” to be tired/in pain/forgetful for my age.

Why can’t someone just say, “Yeah, it’s a little rough today” and ask the people around them to empathize instead of judging whether or not they can really pretend having had a bad day? What do I say to people who make fun of me and say, “Oh, you’re too young to be tired.” When you have children, then you will be tired! Or the random people who hear me say I’m not having a good day and decide to give their two cents or sincerely try to scold me for “being dramatic”? I don’t need people to feel sorry for me or try to help me “solve” my problems. I just want to be able to say how I’m doing that day without having to disclose my medical history or justify my response.

I’ve gotten to the point where I default to saying, even to those I’m close to, that “I’m fine!” when we are in public or with people I don’t know. I don’t think I should have to lie, especially to people I care about. Do you have any ideas on how I can respond to people who insist I’m “too young”? — Not too young

Dear Not Too Young: People’s preconceived ideas about how you “should” feel are not your responsibility. Comments like “You are too young to have health problems” come from ignorance and a lack of understanding.

That said, it’s worth thinking about what you hope to achieve by sharing your health concerns. Your personal health is private and really only matters to you, your doctors, close friends and family. Sharing it widely may elicit a range of responses, many of which may not be helpful or supportive.

I am so sorry to hear about the health issues you are facing and the pain they are causing you. At any age, you deserve compassion from others and, most importantly, from yourself.

Remember that sometimes the best response is no response. Prioritize your well-being and protect your energy.