My close friend is now my direct manager; It’s a difficult dynamic

• In my early 20s, I landed a job that was more about partying than working.
• I became close friends with my colleagues and we all spent weekends together.
• Now I work for one of these friends, and our dynamic is difficult to manage.

When I first college graduateI landed a sales job in New York. The friends I made there in the first few months were some of the closest I’ve ever had in my life.

Nothing brings you together like late night work sessions and huge commission checks that you spend on whatever you want because you’re 22 and have never heard of a high yield savings account.

Making friends at work in my early twenties gave me the university experience I never had it. We often had weekday sleepovers, where we arrived at the office in the same clothes we wore the day before. The idea of ​​professional boundaries never even crossed my mind.

Until my close friend in this position recently became my direct manager.

I got a new job at a tech startup and learned professionalism

When I started working in a technology startupI spent the next seven years building close relationships with my colleagues, my direct reports, and even my boss.

I was introduced to the delicate balance that can be created between a boss and a direct report, which allows you to be completely yourself while maintaining mutual respect and a sense of authority.

We could seamlessly move from preparing a presentation to sharing personal anecdotes about our struggles, goals, and everything in between. The dynamic was fun and professional, whereas my first job was all play and no work.

As usual, after seven years at a tech startup, I decided to part ways with the company. Unemployed, I found myself at a wedding next to a old friend and colleague from my first gaming job only. She had recently been recruited to take over the office and offered me the opportunity to join the company as a contractor for a few months to earn some extra money while I was between jobs.

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A few months transformed into a full-time position

After everything I’ve learned about this delicate balance between colleague and friend, nothing could have prepared me for this change in hierarchy. The last time I worked with my current boss, we were 23 and we were night swimming on Fire Island at three in the morning on a Thursday. Now I fill my end of year reviewthinking about what I did so my friend could decide whether or not to give me a raise.

To put it simply, it was pretty weird.

I’ve always considered her a wild friend first and a colleague second, but since joining the company we’ve both had to reverse that priority. It helps that I’m almost 10 years older, but the transition was still difficult.

We had to put our friendship aside and be more professional with each other. We use Teams to catch up with instead of texting. We share our weekend plans during our 1:1s instead of naturally calling each other to check in. I’m more hesitant to say things I wouldn’t have thought about before, and I can sense his hesitation as well.

In a way, I feel like I’m mourning the loss of our pure friendship, which is now blurred by salary discussions and leave requests.

As difficult as it may seem, there are also many benefits to reporting an incident to a friend.

It may be the loss of a pure friendship, but it also feels like the gain of something pretty incredible.

I have always believed that the most important thing in a work environment is who you work with. I feel safer and more comfortable knowing I have a friend by my side, and I think she feels the same way too.

I would never have known about this job opportunity without my friend encouraging me to accept this role. Most importantly, she knows me so well that she has confidence in my abilities and trusts me completely. I was given more responsibility and autonomy in a few months than most people are given in years, because it takes time to build that level of trust with a new manager.

Working for a friend works for me – for now

Right now, in my career, I crave autonomy and confidence. I think I earned this faster working for a friend.

There may come a time when I seek more mentorship or diverse experience from my manager. When the time comes, I will have to stop reporting to a friend and start from scratch.

When I consider the times I’ve worked with friends versus the times I haven’t, working with them comes out on top every time. But work For maybe it’s something I only do a few times in my career.