Dear Abby: Husband’s Sharp Tongue Runs Deeper Than He Will Admit

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for a long time. Our relationship is stable but difficult. I have suffered from depression since childhood and am now trying to manage it. My husband has his own problems. One is that he often brings up something he finds “funny” about my parents. For example, he makes fun of my father and the house I grew up in because it wasn’t luxurious. It’s hurtful.

I don’t like it when my husband brings up Dad’s quirks to put him down. When I say I don’t like it, he starts yelling and telling me he’s not trying to hurt me and that I shouldn’t take it that way. Then he goes off and sulks and doesn’t speak to me again for the rest of the day.

His behavior is getting old. This is ruining things between us. If you tell someone that what they are saying is hurtful, but they ignore it, what happens then? Things he might find funny aren’t always funny to me. Any advice? –NO JOKE IN OHIO

DEAR NO JOKE: Your husband certainly has a cruel side. He says things that he knows will hurt you, blames you for feeling hurt and then uses that as an excuse to punish you. The term for this is passive-aggressive behavior.

If you plan to stay married to this miserable person, you will have to learn to ignore their comments. When you do this, he will likely increase the frequency of his “funny” remarks. When this happens, continue to ignore him, invite a friend or two to lunch away from home or to run errands. If it reaches the point where it becomes intolerable, see a licensed marriage and family therapist or talk to an attorney about how to break free.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.