Dear Annie: How can I convince my husband that he needs to get a job?

Dear Annie: I’m in a dilemma. My husband (67) and I (65) are both retired; I work from home two days a week, about seven hours a week now. He takes social security and I don’t. He didn’t have a 401(k) to speak of. Working now was to make up the difference.

My problem is that my husband sees no problem or need to find a part-time job, but he thinks I can pick up extra hours if we need the extra money. We have had many discussions/arguments about this. Recently he was the victim of a scammer who broke into our joint accounts. We lost about $10,000. It has also been hacked several times during our 10 years of marriage.

I’m now thinking about separating the money I earn from working from our joint account. I even thought about going as far as splitting the bills to force him to see where the money was going. I never told him that I provide three times as much income as him, but it’s getting to that point. I also told him that if he wanted money he would have to find a part-time job. He’ll look for one online, but never follow through. I don’t know what to do. – Financial cries

Dear financial cry: I agree that it would be wise to start putting money into a separate account. Of course, talk to your husband before doing this and make sure he understands that this is not meant to punish him, but rather to keep some money safe in case of emergency. To this end, I would also recommend meeting with a financial planner. It never hurts to have a professional look at the numbers – and with your husband’s tendency to fall for scams, he might be able to provide a little more protection on your hard-earned money.

Ultimately, you cannot continue to be the sole provider in your household. Talk to your husband calmly and directly – without arguing – about the stress this is putting you under. Marriage is about teamwork and you deserve to have a true partner to work through these challenges.

Dear Annie: I have been cheated on in several relationships. I didn’t experience much romance in high school and decided to officially date when I entered college. But my very first relationship was absolutely toxic and my ex was a flirt. I ended up breaking up with him.

My most recent relationship was even worse. We had a fight and he ghosted me. Then he decided to go out with a family friend who was a minor and he was an adult. I’m afraid of only attracting trashy men. I’m afraid of doing too much or not doing enough to get good guys.

Recently, I finally found the courage to talk to one of my crushes. He’s the first man I fell this deeply for after my last relationship, but I’m afraid he’s like the others. What should I do? Or what am I doing wrong that keeps attracting these trashy two-faced men? THANKS. – Am I a Jerk Magnet?

Dear Jerk Magnet: It’s definitely not your fault that your past partners treated you badly. What is in your control is deciding what you will and will not stand for in your next relationship and respecting your boundaries once you have set them. Infidelity and ghosting, as you mentioned, are both hurtful and absolutely non-negotiable. If you see these red flags in a future romantic partner, run, don’t walk away from them. You deserve more than this kind of treatment.

As for your new crush, try not to project those past hurts and fears onto him. Take it slow and enjoy getting to know each other, building a solid foundation for a potential relationship.

Annie Lane’s Second Anthology: “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” » featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].