Dear Annie: A lifelong secret threatens to shatter a 50-year friendship

Dear Annie: I have been best friends for over 50 years now with a girl I was next door to growing up. When I was about 12, I remember coming home from her home, upset by the way her father had treated her. He was always very cold and abrupt, and he treated her less than his older sister.

I told my parents about it, and they kind of ignored it. My parents, thinking I had left the room and was out of earshot, started discussing it and I heard my father say that it was probably because this man wasn’t the real one. father of my friend. To their surprise, I immediately came back into the room and asked them what that meant. They tried to back down, but I knew what I was hearing and I wanted an explanation. They sat me down and told me he wasn’t her biological father. They didn’t give me details because I was only 12, but they made me promise never to say a word. I kept that promise for 40 years, even after both parents passed away.

Recently, she informed me of her interest in her family tree and her desire to trace her ancestry through one of these DNA locations. I am now beside myself with guilt! I’m so afraid she’ll find out the truth. On the one hand, maybe that would explain her father’s behavior towards her, but on the other hand, how would I react if she told me if she found out? Do I admit that I always knew or would I just act like it was news to me too? Should I just tell him what I know? I definitely don’t want to lie to such an important person in my life, but I don’t know what the right thing to do is. Since I was an adult, I have talked to my parents, who explained to me how it all happened 54 years ago. I have all the information now, but what do I do with it? — In difficulty

Dear Struggler: As a child, you were faced with an impossible choice: either betray your parents’ trust or that of your best friend. More than 50 years later, you are in the same lose-lose situation.

Honesty is usually the best policy, but in this case it will only hurt her more and potentially demolish your friendship forever. Ultimately, you couldn’t share the truth about your friend’s father. For some reason, she is now curious about her family’s roots and seems willing to accept whatever information comes her way. Even though it’s hard to continue this charade, your friend will be even more heartbroken if she finds out that her family and best friend have been lying to her all these years. Be prepared to support her while learning the truth. She’s going to need it.