Hednesford woman, 57, plans her own funeral to create lasting memories

Funerals and wakes allow us to celebrate the life of a loved one, but why do we wait until they have passed away? Nicola Walker, 57, who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 2021, found herself asking the same question and took matters into her own hands to ensure she could bring everyone together while There was still time.

Nicola planned a living funeral for herself while she was still feeling healthy. The celebration, which took place in September at the Western Hall in Stafford, was attended by former school friends, colleagues, as well as friends and family from across the country. Her daughter Emily reflects on the significance of this event for Nicola.

“Honestly, I don’t think she expected so many people to show up.” When everyone started arriving her face lit up when she saw how many people had come to see her, it really made Mom realize how much she was loved.

“Mom didn’t make her illness the focal point of the party to make people feel comfortable. She wanted to make sure everyone had a good evening without the focus being on goodbyes. It was also important to her that no one thought of her as “sick” or “dying” and remembered her as the loving and bubbly person she was.

Despite her deteriorating health, Nicola spent the evening talking and laughing with everyone, enjoying every moment of the party.

Emily adds: “Mum never liked being the center of attention, but that night, for the only time in her life, she absolutely loved it.

“The evening gave us such a special opportunity to create lasting memories with her. Mom was never a big dancer, but she got us all dancing to “Saturday Night Fever,” including my little boy who just turned four, and now we all have that moment to cherish.

“There were times, between the chatter, when I had to go up and tell her to sit down and take a second to breathe, but she was determined to make the most of the night despite her health.”

Nicola died three weeks after arranging her living funeral, on October 20, 2024. Claire Jones, a personal funeral advisor at family funeral director Jennifer Ashe & Son, answered Emily’s call the next day and explained the support they could give him and the next steps in planning his mother’s funeral.

“Calling Jennifer Ashe’s team the next day seemed a bit rushed, but the support they gave me was invaluable, both in planning the funeral and in helping me cope with my grief. They made an incredibly difficult process manageable and they approached everything with humanity, taking the time to make sure I coped as best I could.

“I was able to organize Mom’s funeral exactly as she would have wanted, from the coffin to the choice of music. We had spoken about her wishes several times and the ceremony truly reflected who she was – she would have loved it.

Emily is incredibly grateful that her mother chose to have a living funeral and hopes others will consider it a way to create memories with her loved ones before it’s too late.

“I can honestly say it was the best night of mom’s life. It made him realize how much she was loved and gave him a chance to say goodbye without having to say goodbye. As a society, we need to make sure we take enough time to see our loved ones, and bringing family and friends together shouldn’t be reserved for funerals.

Claire added: “As a team, we help families create meaningful celebrations for their loved ones after they have passed, but these memorial gatherings should not wait until after the death. As many turn away from traditional funeral styles, considering alternative offerings and personalized features, living wakes are becoming a growing trend.

“This emerging type of celebration provides a wonderful opportunity to come together, share memories and create lasting moments before it is too late, while confronting head-on the taboo around death and funerals by encouraging a healthy conversation on the subject.

Jennifer Ashe & Son Funeral Members are an award-winning family run funeral director, established in 2016 with branches now open in Willenhall, Brownhills, Hednesford, Lichfield, Oxley and Walsall. The team specialize in providing a service of support and care to families across the West Midlands and Staffordshire during difficult times of bereavement.